I’m not a perfect wife. He walks through the door after a hard day and I’m too busy to hug him. He unwinds with the remote control in hand and I call him lazy. He wants to get frisky and I wiggle out of his grip. He calls me to chat and I’m hurrying him off the phone. I become frustrated with him for no apparent reason.
I’m not a perfect parent. I, at times, lay in bed for 20 minutes after my son wakes up, before I retrieve him. I keep him in his pajamas when we have nowhere to be, because it’s easy. I watch the clock in hopes that naptime is 5 minutes away. When cooking seems exhausting, I grab the closest leftovers in the fridge. I start the bedtime routine early on those days when I’ve reached my limit.
I’m not a perfect friend. I occasionally press “ignore” when they call. I roll my eyes at their Facebook statuses. I may let hours go by before responding to a text. And wait for it, I lie about plans when I don’t feel like chatting over a bottle of wine.
But you know what I am? I’m honest. I’m true. I’m normal. And before you go on judging my choices, my actions and my decisions… hear me out.
I’ve stumbled across many thought-provoking articles on Facebook. My friends share these articles with happy emoticons and upbeat phrases attached. “How to be THE best spouse.” “How to positively speak to your loved ones.” “Raise your child this way, because that way is wrong.” “Cherish today because tomorrow may not come.” You catch my drift? You’ve seen these articles, you may have even read them and for the enthusiastic… they’re glued to your mirror.
These topics are important, the writers are extremely talented and the posts spread a positive message. A message that we could all benefit from greatly. I do, however, worry. I worry that such articles are setting us up for failure. You know how it feels to make a New Years resolution and come March, it’s non-existent? It’s disappointing and disheartening, you’ve let yourself down and now you’re beating on your ego. How dismal.
“Hunny, I’ve just read an article about the appropriate ways to communicate. Sit, sit, let’s talk… the right way.” At times, this may actually work and you’ve improved your relationship. Other times, according to the article, you’re doing it wrong. Put another check in the “we don’t know how to be married” box. Your head hangs low, you sulk away from the kitchen table and you may shed a tear or two. You’ve now created animosity where there used to be none.
Here’s the deal. You aren’t perfect. Be honest with yourself. I admitted earlier that I don’t always hug my husband when he comes home. But I greet him in whatever way I can. He understands that I’m busy and I know he gets that. I don’t feel pressured to rush to him, because in our household, we know what works. We’re happy. We’re damn happy. We live our life on our own terms, to our standards and what works for us. There’s not a single day where I hate my marriage or feel disconnected… I love us.
Sure my child and I have many pajama parties and sometimes I’m watching that clock. But there’s one thing that’s truer than true, is how much I love my child. For every minute he’s stuck in that crib, there’s 20 minutes of cuddling and laughing and playing. My child is blissful. I am in love with being a parent. Our life works, this works, we work and that’s all that matters. Cherish every single moment? Nope. I’m sorry, I can’t. I cherish most moments and I wish some weren’t there. That night he was screaming for 4 hours straight? Nope, don’t cherish that.
And to my dear friends, who most likely gasped when they read how I sometimes treat them. Don’t tell me you haven’t ignored my calls. I’m a talker and I like to talk about myself, how exhausting for you guys. I can admit it. For every call I’ve ignored, there’s deep hearted conversations we’ve shared. And for every Facebook status I’ve rolled my eyes at, there’s a hug and a glass of wine and a shoulder that I’ve leant you. I honor you and I cherish our friendship. I’m not pure, but damn, YOU make me feel pure.
Here’s the take away. Figure out what works for you, get in touch with your heart and don’t change who you are because an article told you to. You are bliss, your are treasure, you are impeccable and radiant.
Now go; hug your husband, or don’t’. Whatever works for you.