E.L. James introduces us to an array of characters that make up this highly carnal and raw novel. Christian Grey, the protagonist, is portrayed to the readers as a forceful commander with his amenable lady friend, Anastasia Steele, praising his every move. Grey and Steele create quite the steamy romance, they sure know how to make love, fight and write emails. The later being their greatest talent of all, more on that in a moment.
“Fifty Shades of Grey” has been said to be the modern day porn for the lonely housewives. You don’t say? I don’t blink; I buy the book, I bury myself in this book and I bore myself just as quickly. I was under the impression that my body would clench, that my palms would grow sweaty and my mouth would fill with watery goodness. Calm down boys & girls, none of that happened, and here’s why.
James did a superb job of introducing the characters and setting the scene. The first couple pages of the book baited me, I was fascinated and excited to become versed in the individuals. There were aspects of Grey and traits of Steele that I saw in myself and in my friends. That’s what makes a book great, the ability to relate. It wasn’t until the 5th chapter that I realized the story was flat, lifeless and stale. The repetition of lines showed a lack of creativity on James’s part.
Grey’s obsession of Anastasia’s lip biting habit, Steele’s inner goddess roaring (in every other paragraph), her face flushing a shade of crimson. These are all fantastic lines… when used once. Hey James, if you use it correctly, the thesaurus could be your best friend.
Moving on now to the contract. Oh boy, where to begin. The fact that they took this contract seriously is beyond me. Let me paint a picture for you (this is assuming Anastasia signs the damn thing). Christian and Anastasia are both naked in the red room, Anastasia biting her lip, her inner goddess ringing with delight. Christian pulls out a long black whip, an object that makes his member sing. But wait, Anastasia says no, she panics and realizes that this is all wrong. According to the contract, Grey can take Steele to court. Now you tell me? How could a contract like this really hold up in court. Maybe I’m being too literal.
That brings me to the emails and the indecisive nature of these two sexual creatures. These crazy kids, if you will. This will be quick, it goes like this: She thinks he is a bad idea, they see each other, she bites her lip, he seduces her, they have 2 pages worth of sex, she goes home and on her computer is an email from him, activate the 10 emails back and forth. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
All things aside, this book deserves a 3. I skimmed the majority of it and did a countdown to the end of the book. I’m sure there are folks who disagree with me and that’s fine, you’re entitled to your own sexual arousing techniques. Now, if there’s a movie and the star is Ryan Gosling, I will likely be a supporter. But for now, I rest my case.
For now, enjoy these highly hysterical celebs giving the book justice.
5 thoughts on “50 Shades of Really Boring Stuff”
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